IRS Audit ...
The IRS decided to audit my friend Bruce, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Bruce showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Bruce. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Bruce says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Bruce removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Bruce says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Bruce isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Bruce removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Bruce's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Bruce asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, throw that full glass of water into the wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Bruce stands on the desk and takes careful aim, but when he throws the glass, water covers the man's desk, jacket, briefcase, and everything around it.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Bruce's own attorney starts crying and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney.
"This morning, when Bruce told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and throw water all over your office and that you'd be happy about it!"